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On Being a Klutz

Hello. Lifelong klutz here. I’m an old hat at hurting myself. I fall off my shoes (flats, not heels). I trip over sidewalk cracks. I walk into door jambs. When I was 8 or 9, I rode my bike into a barbed wire fence and stuck out my hands to catch myself, poking holes in my hands with the barbed wire. When I was 16 and had to go to court to get my driver’s license, I fell down the concrete steps behind my mom’s office and had to go to court with ripped hose, a bloody knee, and mangled foot that still has a scar. I’ve slipped on ice and given myself a grapefruit-sized bruise. I’ve dropped a coffee cup on my pinky toe and broken it. I’ve slipped on wet grass and banged my shin so hard that three years later, the nerve endings are still damaged and numb where it hit.

Miraculously, that pinky toe is the only bone I’ve ever broken. Over the years of walking into things and losing my balance, I have somehow developed a sort of sixth sense for correcting my falling body. I start to fall a LOT, but I rarely actually hit the deck. And then this weekend, my weird clumsy spidey-sense failed me. I twisted my ankle on the front walk outside my in-laws’ house and totally bit it. All the way down. I managed not to fall on the littlest monkey and I managed not to drop her leash. I also didn’t break any bones (yet again), but I did bang myself up pretty good. I know some people don’t react to scrapes and bruises well, and other people like to see how bad it is, so I’ve hidden pictures behind the links below. They start with the least and work up to the worst.

Blerg. In addition to that, you can’t see the soreness in the ankle that was twisted and the soreness from the deep bruising on my left hand, right elbow, and right shoulder (yep, I said shoulder…told you I went down hard), as well as the muscle soreness in both arms from catching myself when I fell. So…somebody please tell me a good story about how you’re a klutz too. I need some help in not feeling like such an idiot.

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5 thoughts on “On Being a Klutz

  1. My husband says I have a personal grievance with the laws of physics and that I am constantly challenging them, with gravity being at the top of the list. I read somewhere once that the laws of physics change according to where in the universe you are located. My husband says this applies to a much larger basis, like different planets and not, as I claim, between the spot in my yard and a spot inside my house. Whatever.
    My last big randmon klutz moment was a few months ago, as I was walking up my front walk, out to my car to go somewhere. I tripped over nothing and sent myself flying, scrapping up both knees, elbows and hands and somehow bonking my head. I’ve slipped down docks, I trip down stairs on a regular basis, I am constantly scratched and banged up from my ongoing battle with gravity.
    Feel better?

  2. Every fall for the past several years, I manage to trip and fall over an acorn, tearing up my knee in the process.

    Early this summer, I was walking through my bedroom in the dark and stubbed my toe on my bed. It was so bad that I thought I’d broken it.

    I’ve managed to hurt myself several times just by banging into door frames around the house.

    The list goes on and on…

  3. Oh man – forgot to mention that I gave myself a minor concussion simply getting into the car a couple of months ago. Yep. Banged my head exactly that hard on the door frame while I was getting in. Saw stars then black then it just hurt, follow later by dizziness and nausea. Whee!

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