Why do we do it? I know I’m not the only one. You have a goal that you really want to achieve, but something somehow holds you back from it. This week, I’ve got two goals that I’m failing to meet, and I’m struggling to understand why it’s happening.
I want to lose more weight, and I do have a goal weight in mind, but that’s the big over-arching goal. The smaller goal to help me achieve that is exercising – and I haven’t done that since last Thursday. I’ve packed my gym bag and taken it with me to work and then…something happens in my brain and I feel unable to go. So I don’t. This is after a week of decent commitment to working out and losing a whole pound (which is just huge with my metabolism) – so shouldn’t that have motivated me to be MORE diligent? I felt good and was happy with my progress and then this week, nothing. And feeling guilty and bad because of the nothing. I haven’t been particularly busy. I have been particularly tired – this has been a week of utterly horrible nights of sleep – but this has happened before when lack of sleep wasn’t the problem. I have a carrot, too – I’ve been rewarding myself for every 10 lbs lost, and I’m right on the brink of earning my next reward.
It’s just so frustrating! I have the same issue, but it’s perpetual instead of just one week, about getting to work on time. I really want to get there at 8:30 so I can leave at 5:00 without working through lunch or feeling (much) guilt. And I need to leave at 5:00 because most of the gym classes I want to go to start at 5:30. I haven’t actually been at work at 8:30 in probably 2 weeks, generally being 30 to 45 minutes late, and then either working through lunch or logging in at night or on the weekend to make up the time. And I hate that. I really want to be there at 8:30, and I get up at 7:00 and live 2 minutes from work, so you’d think it would be easy, but somehow it’s not. I want to check my e-mail and Google Reader and Facebook, which turns into looking at and doing other things online. And I look at the clock and see that it’s time, I need to finish and go get in the shower, but instead I sit there for another 20-30 minutes.
Why do I do this to myself? Why do we as people do this to ourselves with some regularity? And, knowing we’re not alone, that most people do something similar at least occasionally, why do we then berate ourselves so harshly for it?